[***English translation follows from the Chinese text. Please scroll down.]

掀開盒蓋，伸手觸摸著一版一版的注塑零件，熟悉的感覺，找到說明書，從頭看了一遍，密麻麻的英文字、符號、箭咀、圖樣，一陣暈眩，這玩意絕對講求視力、手指靈活度及耐性，心中一陣怯慌，滿腦躊躇，想了一會兒，離去了。

隔天，盒蓋再打開時，它身邊多了一大堆東西：各種粗幼不一的毛筆、用途不同的黏合劑、大量的專用漆油、稀釋劑、工具清洗液、剪刀、剪鉗、手鑽、美工刀、各式粗幼砂紙、putty、噴漆….. 其實，這些東西也非必需，模型也可以當是尋常玩具輕輕鬆鬆地製作，但既下了決心，就要盡力而為，我可不想辜負努力設計和生產這東西的人！

依說明書小心剪下零件，用美工刀刮去「水口」，塗上「膠水」小心拼貼，遇上小如餅乾碎屑的配件，就用尖咀鉗輔助，大件零件之間顯眼的夾縫，就用填縫膏填補，待完全乾透堅硬以砂紙打磨，車輪、履帶、車身、砲塔、車上裝備逐步完成，依實物上色，用噴漆逐層逐層噴上「迷彩」掩護色，跟著選好車號及軍團徽章，移上水印紙。車的前後沙板用火小心烘軟，用鏍絲批輕輕擠壓，仿造金屬車身的損毀形態，再烘熔一條膠支架，慢慢拉長，拉出幼絲作為天線，黏在砲塔後方，跟著進行「舊化」工程：油漆脫落痕跡、鏽蝕、泥跡、煙燻痕跡、油污跡，以各色顏料或塗或抹或掃，然後以黑色「琺瑯漆」滲進車身線條，加強「陰影」以做成更佳視覺效果，最後全車噴上一層薄薄的沙黃色作為塵埃，腦裏同時設計好一個「情景」(scenery)。

心裏一算，原來我已和它「搏鬥」了整整四天。「主角」終於完成，看著它，心中有一份怡然的喜悅：我非「寶刀」，猶幸總算未老，但回憶過程卻也絕不輕鬆，很有一種「何苦由來」的感覺。Andio來得正好，他的提議與想法給了我動力，為了承諾，為了這個十一月的展覽，除了「向前」，再無其它選擇。

世上模型種類萬萬千千，有人喜愛豪華跑車飛機遊輪，有人喜歡古堡城鎮火車帆船，更多人喜愛的是科幻漫畫和電影的主角人偶：或是物質慾望的投射，或是對古舊物事的懷緬，又或是潮流所趨，我卻鍾情於這些二次大戰的戰爭機器，這裏有一個奇特的原因：一本書。它的名字叫《第二次世界大戰實錄》，「讀者文摘」出版，這本硬皮封面重甸甸厚達兩吋的書，是孩提時代我的「書癡」姊姊送給我的禮物，在那遙遠的歲月，我吃力地捧著這本書一遍又一遍的翻看，一段段事蹟，一個個故事，一張一張黑白的照片，一幅一幅兩軍搏奕的戰略地圖，到今天我仍牢牢記往－從震驚世界的「閃電戰」攻克波蘭，到碧血長空的「大不列顛戰役」；由「偷襲珍珠港」到香港以至整個東南亞淪陷；由北非沙漠如武俠小說高手決戰的隆美爾和蒙哥馬利，到寸瓦不留的「史太林格勒戰役」；從「登陸諾曼第」反攻歐洲大陸到太平洋的逐島血戰，以至投向廣島及長崎的兩枚原子彈…。幾多滅絕人性的暴行，幾多英勇絕倫的事蹟，對於孩童時代的我，雖然只當故事般觀看，心靈卻已被深深地震撼。年長了，明瞭到戰爭中生死既等閒，時間，文明、信仰頓變毫無意義，幸運是，人的價值仍能透過勇氣、忠誠和團結得以體現。二戰於現代人來說，確實太遙遠了，我們生於安逸的時代，自由與和平仿似與生俱來，自然難以理解換取這些東西的代價是何等高昂。

在製作展品過程中，我不經意的走到了時空的另一端，重溫了這一段歷史，我想這些就是我的作品的「底蘊」。

記錄與回顧有很多方式，有人按下快門，有人利用文字，有人繪成圖畫，有人錄下聲音，而我，懷著崇敬與感恩的心，選擇了這個我喜歡的，能力所及的，細水長流的方式，為証明「過去」從沒有消失，「他」總會在某個時空又再出現。

***

Box opens. I reach out with my hands. Skin contact with racks after racks of plastic parts: what a familiar sensation. Instruction notes found. From beginning to end, tiny fonts of alphabets form the dense English text mingled with symbols, arrows and small diagrams, guiding the dizzy me. This is a game that demands perfect eye-sight and versatile fingers plus absolute patience.

Taken aback and hesitating, I stepped out, not knowing what’s in my mind.

Two days later, I returned to the box, which was then surrounded by a big pile of tools – brushes of all sizes, glues of many functions, a large amount of paint, thinner, cleansing agent, scissors, pliers, drills, cutters, different kinds of polishing paper, putty, sprays and many more. … … These items may not all be necessary; one can also just enjoy making models leisurely and with ease. But I was determined to put in my utmost effort. I wouldn’t want to let go of any small bits that the designer had put into the kit.

I followed the instructions closely. I cut out every small part with care, smoothened the edges with a cutter, and carefully glued the different parts together. Some of them are as small as biscuit crumbs, which you can only pick up with the help of a needle-nose plier. For the obvious crevices between the bigger parts, apply sealant and wait until it totally dries and firms. Then feel free to smoothen the parts. Gradually, and it takes time, wheels, tracks, the bodies of vehicles, turrets and equipments carried on the vehicles are ready. Apply color in ways to give the parts a realistic look. For the camouflage tone, use a sprayer: do it layer by layer. This done. Choose the vehicles’ plates and the corps’ badge and attach the watermarked paper on the right place. The front and rear sand board must be applied by soft “baking” followed by slight extrusion with a screw-driver to imitate the metal body of a car being destroyed. One may also melt a plastic stent mildly, elongate it to extract the thread-like material for an antenna to put at the back of the turret. The next step is to “age” the scenario, that is, to create the effect of painting falling off, rust, mud stains, smoke stains and oil stains, which can be done with different kinds of color pigment, by rubbing and brushing. Black enamel paint is needed next to fill up the lines of the vehicles to strengthen the “shadows” for better visual effect. Finish with a spray of a thin sand-yellow layer to imitate dust. At this point, you must already have in mind the complete scenery to build…

Back to reality… It had taken me four full days to struggle through all the steps I just described.

The work was done. I looked at it, and couldn’t help feeling immense joy flowing inside me. No veteran I am, but my skills have not failed me. It was nonetheless a bit too heavy to recall the process. I wonder, what a big burden I have brought to myself! And there came Andio while I was caught in puzzlement. He gave me some suggestions, which re-fueled the diminishing fire in me. So I did all this for a promise – for the toy show in November. There wasn’t much of an option otherwise, but to push forward.

There are thousands of kinds of models – some like racing cars, airplanes and ocean liners whereas for others, castles, towns and villages, trains and boats. Even more people are into characters from sci-fi, anime and live-action movies. I can’t exactly tell why, whether it is a projection of my desires or nostalgic indulgence in the past, or simply I was led by fads and trends. All I can say is to simply admit that I was particularly drawn to the war machines from the World War II. And that involves a book, Illustrated Story of World War II by Reader’s Digest, a 2-inch thick, hardcover weighty edition that my book-craze sister gave me as a gift when I was a kid. In those forgotten days, I pulled together a lot of effort grabbing that book in my bosom, reading it from page to page, and time and again. Each incident, each story, each black-and-white photo, and each of the tactical maps are still vivid in my mind: from the world-shocking blitzkrieg of Poland to the never-ending Battle of Great Britain against Germany, from the attack on Pearl Harbor to the Pacific Wars and the fall of Hong Kong to the Japanese, from the legendary, speed-sweep antagonism between Rommel and Montgomery in North Africa to the total ruins created by the Battle of Stalingrad, and from the Normandy landings on D-Day and the battles on the Pacific Islands to the dropping of the two atomic bombs on Hiroshima and Nagasaki respectively. … Unquantifiable violence that mocked humanity and innumerable instances of bravery… Even to a young kid, all this was no pure fiction from the remote lands – I was totally shaken. Now as an adult, I realize life or death is worth very little in wars and battles. Time, civilization and religious beliefs are proven futile. The lucky thing is that there are still ways to realize the value of humans – through courage, honesty and united minds. World War II indeed seems a bit too far away to contemporary people, and the fact that we live in a time of comfort and stability numbs us from realizing what a high price was involved to bring freedom and peace, which we often take for granted.

In the process of building the military miniatures for “Toy as Medium,” I landed on a spatial-temporal zone that is diametrically opposite of my daily life, without my thinking too much how it happened. I “walked through” the history of World War II once again… Recorded in this article are the details leading to my works in the show.

There are indeed many ways to record and look back. Some people press the shutter; some write; some paint and draw; and some use sound recording. As for me, I proceed with awe and gratitude, and choose a way I like and which I am capable of, to insist that the “past” did not disappear. The “past” is always just around the corner, awaiting a certain space and a certain time to re-presence.

Lai Wai-leung / Military Miniature, My Toy, My Medium: A Maker’s Journal 軍事模型，我的媒體 ，我的玩具：玩家日誌 [“Toy as Medium” count-down]

Lai Wai-leung / Military Miniature, My Toy, My Medium: A Maker’s Journal 軍事模型，我的媒體，我的玩具：玩家日誌 [“Toy as Medium” count-down]